There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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