you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
