well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
