i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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