for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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