Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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