Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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