they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
