I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
