Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
