Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
