You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
