I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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