Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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