Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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