Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
