He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
