Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
