He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
