return my video game
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
