he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
