At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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