Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
