On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
