I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize