you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
