Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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