i think my tv is drunk
just come out here and I will go home with you...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
