Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize