Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
