Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We got so high we made milksteak
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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