I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
