Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
