Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I pour the whiskey from now on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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