So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize