Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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