never play flip cup with pint glasses
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
