I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
