the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
