just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
