bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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