she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Naked. naked and bneed help.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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