So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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