I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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