you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
