paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
