When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
