I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
