the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If its not for food we ain't going out.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
