I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
