Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
