Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
