We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
