I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
