this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't deserve a penis
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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