You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The uberlube is also flammable
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
