Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
