You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
