hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
