i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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