the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
