I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
