there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
