I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
