Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
