My nipple is on Facebook.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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