he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
