Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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