I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
