i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
