I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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