I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
