the condom got lost in my hair
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
