If i come over, it means nothing
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
