he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I fill condoms, not promises.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
